Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The end of Age of Ultron

So Brian Michael Bendis claims that nobody can guess the ending to the forthcoming Age of Ultron series and maybe he's right but here are some distinct possibilities:

* Ultron’s advanced computing power will reveal that somebody miscounted and the Marvel Universe is actually 617.

*  The biggest shocker in comics history – after Ultron is defeated he never ever appears again.

*  Ultron marries Aunt May.

*  Ultron learns that his OS is Android and that means ...  uh just finish this one yourself

*  Ultron gets a job on Fox News – pitches a fit when he mis-predicts the next election.

*  Ultron still waits for Godot.

* Ultron will discover he has no SD slot and must store everything in the cloud.

* Ultron turns out to be Kang and therefore (or maybe there-not) Dr Doom.

*  Just as a huge battle reaches its peak Ultron will wake up, turn over in bed and tell Suzanne Pleshette “I just had the strangest dream”.

*  Two words:  ice cream

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Rewriting the news

NPR reported on a NYC laundry (or dry cleaner) and how the owners were dealing with the storm’s aftermath.  When one owner went back to the building, the reporter told us he “entered with a vengeance”.  Now “vengeance” is so blatantly inappropriate that it’s funny but it’s easy enough to see how this happened – writer was on a deadline and thought the piece needed a bit of action.  And thus we get such a stumble.

But consider the alternatives:

“Vengeance on his mind, he entered the building.”

“It wasn’t revenge but true vengeance, he pondered while entering.”

“His entrance sparkled with vengeance.”

“The vengeance was softened by the entrance.”

“It was entrancing this entrance despite its vengeful vengeance.”

“He darted through the vengeance to enter.”

“Having had his fill of entrances he settled on trying vengeance.”

“His entrances were always imaginative and unpredictable; today riding a deep undertone of vengeance.”

“He entered with vengeance but left with contrition.”

“If he couldn’t protect the entrance you can be damn well sure he would avenge it.”