Sunday, March 6, 2005

83 Things I Don't Like About Comics

Didn't feel like doing a full 100.

1. That diversity in comics is far behind even television. Mainstream comics has about six gay characters (five after the last issue of Wolverine), several more blacks, women used for window dressing and just a bare token or two Asian, Hispanic, etc. Even despite the inherent conservatism of most comics fans this is somewhat mystifying. I see a greater percentage of black readers in comics stores than trade stores (possibly a result of where I shop and the stores where I’ve worked but probably not entirely wrong) and mainstream comics seem to have more openly gay creators than say studio film directors (“more” in actual numbers not just percentage). But comics--even a lot of indies--are a WASP world.
2. that the above is even remotely controversial among comics readers
3. that the “mainstream” is superheroes.
4. that comics distribution is a monopoly (Justice Department meet Diamond)
5. that comics stores are designed (intentionally or not) to repell anybody but fans and especially anybody without a y-chromosome
6. that most genres are commercially dead. Just for one of many instances, I’d love to see a serious comics series on the Napoleonic War; if even mall bookstores can stock Cornwell and O’Brian, PBS have a successful series and there be an Oscar-nominated movie from them then surely somewhere there is a market for something similar, just as there must be a market still for Westerns or comedy or romance or whathaveyou.
7. for that matter that we’re stuck with “comics” and not something a tad less frivolous
8. people who think “comix” is an improvement over “comics”
9. that we’re also stuck with “graphic novel” when so few are even novellas
10. Marvel’s creative treadmill. Their 60s glory days are pretty much recycled in their main books but again in the Ultimate line (yes Ultimate Dazzler was a joke but Ultimate Carnage is just sad) and Marvel Age or whatever they’re naming it this fiscal year.
11. Marvel’s continual renumbering, not because it’s a pain for collectors (which isn’t me anyway) but because it shows a fundamental uncertainty about what they’re doing and a contempt for readers
12. again with Marvel: their poorly designed trade books (can’t they hire a professional marketing designer or even somebody who’s ever shopped in a bookstore that didn’t primarily sell comics?)
13. one more: Marvel’s dumb science. Yep, comics thrive on pseudo- and non-science but stuff like “solid sound” is too senseless.
14. that even when I’m making a list like this it’s more about superheroes than indies
15. stories that should take an issue or two spread out over five or six. Yes, partly the result of market demands but also just bad writing and editing.
16. attempts to be “cinematic” (boy, talk about an inferiority complex)
17. George Perez (do we need another Norman Rockwell?)
18. Alex Ross (Marvels was OK but the characters in his work look like they’re slumming from TV movie adaptations)
19. that trade stores shelve all comics together instead of in the sections where they actually belong. Why is, say, Joe Sacco’s Palestine among the Spider-Man books instead of in History or Current Events?
20. that manga is exploding and it’s still pretty much all the same stuff. Where are serious samurai manga (other than Lone Wolf and Blade of the Immortal) or yakuza or salaryman or political thrillers or sports stories or mah jong or any of the hundreds of genres that actually already exist in Japan.
21. that despite manga success black-and-white is still perceived as not saleable
22. that Tokyopop is flooding the market so badly that they’re likely to destroy much of the advances that manga has made
23. that so few European comics are published in the U.S.
24. Alejandro Jodorowsky (ludicrously dumb film director, even worse comics writer)
25. Warren Ellis (a pretty good commentator/critic, quite pointless fiction writer)
26. Kevin Smith (decent if immature film director but pretty hopeless in comics)
27. online commentators (can’t be called critics) who mainly talk about whether they’re planning to buy upcoming comics
28. that I actually enjoy reading some of the above
29. the Golden Age (it wasn’t)
30. The Golden Age (did we need a comic based on the premise that Joseph McCarthy was right?)
31. Leave It to Chance (truly inept)
32. Comic Book Villains (while I’m kicking at James Robinson--who admittedly did some decent Starman and WildCATS stories but this film is just embarassing)
33. art that looks like it was done on a computer whether it was or not
34. continual visual references to Kirby; it’s time to move on (except for things like the last few issues of Priest’s Black Panther where there was an actual point)
35. heroes fight then team-up (then next time they meet they fight again...)
36. strange revamps
37. that death seems to be the only “serious” event most comics writers can imagine
38. Straczynski’s 9/11 issue of Amazing Spider-Man (classic kitsch or just grossly misconceived?)
39. Action #775 - A good example of how most superhero writers are utterly incapable of dealing with any real moral issue.
40. that everyday characters in comics live in worlds where people fly and shoot energy beams from their eyes, aliens invade, demons attack cities and animals talk but writers still have them say things like “Did bullets just bounce off that man? I must be losing my mind.”
41. typographic symbols used for obscenities - It’s always a distraction and not in a good way. Come on, you people are professional writers. If you can’t write around this then find another job. (And don’t pull that “realism” argument: Think of how many tougher-than-nails gangster movies, films noirs, Westerns and horror movies had not a single no-no word.)
42. early Image
43. Jim Lee (now merely passable but his early work is some of the most childish ever published by an incorporated company)
44. Kyle Baker (sorry, just don’t get it)
45. Dan Brereton (looks like rough drafts)
46. Michael Turner (heroin chic lives)
47. fumetti
48. writers who use blunt statements instead of realizing them (no matter how many times characters say Sue is the most powerful of the Fantastic Four that won’t make it true)
49. the current atmosphere of star creators (as much as I’d like to see more Miller Batman there are easily dozens of writers who could do as well or better but wouldn’t sell as much)
50. the stereotype of comics readers as overweight losers
51. and nevertheless Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons isn’t entirely inaccurate
52. Fantagraphics’ collections of pinup drawings (even Jack Cole’s aren’t that interesting)
53. that toys (well really “toys” since nobody plays with them) sell so well
54. Catwoman’s recent aviator goggles (why?)
55. that the loudest people on cell phones are invariably at comics stores
56. that there are dozens and dozens of comics websites but almost nothing that can be called journalism (even if many blogs are quite worth your time)
57. that so many comics artists seem to have learned to draw from other comics instead of, say, the world outside or even non-comics artists
58. Darkseid (especially when I learned the name is pronounced darkside and not darkseed: this guy is supposed to be dangerous? Scary?)
59. Professor X: Creepy authoritarian in the comics, almost a fascist in the movies.
60. the rape in Identity Crisis - Meltzer et al crossed a line they weren’t prepared to cross.
61. oversize and oddly shaped comics and TPBs
62. letter columns (except the one in Powers)
63. prices (yeah, opera is expensive too but at least those last three or four hours)
64. that so few classic comic strips are available
65. that I can’t read Miracleman/Marvelman
66. the unnecessarily high prices on DC Archives and Marvel Masterworks (due to low print runs and aiming at collectors)
67. Ivan Brunetti (fratboy tantrums are not satire)
68. Garth Ennis when he lets his weakness for the grotesque override common sense
69. Jim Mahfood (not his drawing but his satirical attacks on the easiest targets in the laziest manner)
70. “manga style” when it’s not actually manga
71. pretty much everything from 1988 to about 1994
72. “grim” and “dark” stories because they so rarely are
73. everybody who’s seen the huge blockbuster films from comics (or even indies like Ghost World and American Splendor) but won’t actually read a comic
74. that even though the most successful (artistically and commercially) movies based on comics are the ones closest to the source Hollywood still feels the world isn’t ready for John Constantine, the LOEG, Elektra, etc.
75. despite the above two that comics fans still get excited about movie versions
76. “everything changes” and “nothing will be the same” because it’s never true
77. series that are cancelled without being finished
78. that book collections have to be “subsidized” by first releasing monthly issues (which may or may not be true though I’ll admit that the arguments for it make sense; still an instant classic like We3 should have appeared in one big lump not three small ones)
79. hardbacks
80. the tiny size of newspaper strips
81. that I can buy Archie digests at my grocery store but nothing from any other company
82. that nobody else even pays attention to Archie except Tony Isabella (bless him)
83. crossover stories